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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25332214">Scarred for life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamSoUnpredictable/pseuds/IamSoUnpredictable'>IamSoUnpredictable</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Child Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Pain, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko's Scar (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:53:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,701</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25332214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamSoUnpredictable/pseuds/IamSoUnpredictable</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The events of how Zuko got his scar, and got banished from the Fire Nation. Iroh takes care of him, but it isn't easy. Zuko is scarred for life, and not just physically.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iroh &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warning: explicitly described violence during the events of the Agni Kai!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko felt like his entire body is on fire. He couldn’t hear anything else just the fizzle of the flames and his own scream. His father stood before him, one hand only inches from Zuko’s face, the other gripping his shoulder tightly, so he couldn’t back away. He squeezed his eyes shut when the pain became unbearable. He felt his skin melting, and the heat bit into his flesh. His right eye filled with tears, and Zuko screamed again. It seemed like the fire is raging in his mind, burning his thoughts. He couldn’t think of anything else just the throbbing pain. „Please father… please stop…” Zuko wanted to beg, but his mouth didnt obey him. The smell of his own burnt skin filled the air. Zuko wanted to black out, not to feel the pain anymore, or just die, die right now, but he wasn’t lucky enough. The flames were eating him alive, leaving nothing but shame and humiliation. Just when he thought he can’t take anymore pain, Ozai sudddenly released his shoulder, and he fell forward. His head hit the ground, but he didn’t even feel it. He opened his eyes, but he couldn’t see anything with the left one. He raised his head a bit, and between his tears he dimly saw his father’s tall figure, still standing before him. Ozai shook his head a bit, and he looked at Zuko with noting but despite in his eyes.</p><p>- For being a coward, and refusing to fight, I banish you, Prince Zuko from the Fire Nation! – Ozai’s voice was clear and loud, filling the whole room. Zuko felt his heart starting to beat so loudly in his chest, he almost couldn’t hear the rest his father said. He is banished. He doesn’t have a home anymore. He never will be Fire Lord. The thoughts echoed in his head.<br/>
– Only one thing can restore your honor. Capture the Avatar and bring him to me! – Ozai continued. His words were followed by silence. The Avatar. The Fire Nation’s great enemy. The one, who vanished almost a hundred years ago. Suddenly everyone in the room started to talk all at once. But Zuko didn’t listen to them. He only watched his father with his one unharmed eye. But Ozai was done. He turned around, and walked away. Zuko felt like he is unable to move, unable to breath. The only thing he felt was the aching of his burned flesh. His nails dig into his palm as he was laying on the ground. He still saw the fire dancing before his eyes, heard his own scream. </p><p>He suddenly heard footsteps, and someone slowly lifted his upper body from the floor. For a moment Zuko believed, that his father returned, and he is the one holding him. He tried to focus to its face, but his vision was blurry. „Come, Prince Zuko. Let’s get you somewhere peaceful” the man holding him murmured quietly. It wasn’t his father. Just his uncle, Iroh. And peaceful? Nowhere was peaceful anymore. Zuko let his tears streaming down his face, as his uncle helped him up. He slowly looked around in the Agni kai arena. The show was over, the viewers were heading to the exit. No one cared about him anymore.  For a moment he saw his sister’s slim figure between the men, and they locked eyes for a second. But Azula quickly turned away, and rushed to the way where their father disappeared. Of course she wanted nothing to do with the disgraced, humiliated prince. Zuko slowly started to walk, Iroh still holding him firmly. In other cases healers immediatley rushed to the members of the royal family when they got injured, but now they were nowhere to be seen. Maybe they are in his room, waiting for him, Zuko thought. But as they reached the exit, and Zuko wanted to turn left, to go to his suite, his uncle gently turned him around. The boy looked back over his shoulder confused. Where is he taking him? He stumbled through the halls, as he still couldn’t see with his left eye, letting Iroh to guide him. Soon he realized his uncle is taking him to the right wing of the palace, where he lived. Zuko has only been there a few times, usually Iroh visited them. Black spots started to dancing before his eyes from the pain, but he clenched his teeth, not to start yelling again. It was enough humiliating that he couldn’t bare his punishment in silence during the Agni Kai. He was weak, and he felt himself even weaker, as his uncle was dragging him through the palace. </p><p>They eventually reached a door, and Iroh carefully led Zuko inside. The boy looked around still confused. Why did they come here instead his own room? Iroh gently pushed him down to a sofa, while he went to the other room. Zuko heard the splashing of water and his uncle soon returned with a wet towel. He sat down next to Zuko, and looked at him.<br/>
- May I? – he asked quietly, gesturing to the towel, then at Zuko’s face. The boy slowly nodded. Iroh silently examined the wound, then carefully put the wet towel to it, trying to clean it. Zuko winced, and his needed all of his self-control not to lean away as the fresh wound stung and burned and made his head spin from the pain. The black spots before his eyes returned, and Zuko clutched into the back of the sofa, as heat flushed over his body. The last thing he saw was his uncle’s mortified face before everything went black. </p><p>When he opened his eyes, for a moment he didnt know what happened. But when he realized he is blind to his left eye and the pain returned, reality hit him so hard, he felt like he will black out again. The room started spinning around him, and Zuko tried to breath, but something clenched his lungs, and he felt like he is chocking. He tried to breath harder and quicker, panting and gasping for air, and the fire was burning his face, and his father was standing before him looking at him with disdain, and Azua was laughing, and the flames just burnt and burnt…<br/>
- Zuko! – suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder, and he shrieked, because he didnt want any more pain, please Father let me go, please stop… he cant take it, he is sorry, please…<br/>
- Please Prince Zuko calm down! – the familiar voice called him again, and Zuko opened his eyes. It wasn’t his father, it was his uncle, sitting beside the bed, holding his shoulder.<br/>
– You are just having a panick attack, it isn’t real, you are safe now – Iroh continued on a soothing voice. Zuko managed to slow his breathing down, focusing at his uncle’s voice. He slowly lifted his hand, and with a slightly trembling finger he touched the left side of his face. His skin felt strange, dry and leathery but somehow he couldnt feel the pain as he touched the most burnt parts of it.<br/>
- When do the healers come? Can I wait for them in my room? – he asked, after clearing his throat. Not that he had any problems with Iroh’s suite, but he would feel more like home in his own bed.<br/>
Iroh looked at him with sadness in his eyes and slowly shook his head. - They can’t come – he answered. – But don’t worry, I will take care of you – he added as he saw his nephew’s wide opened eyes. How could he explain to a thirteen years old, that his father forbid the healers from treating him, and that he will never ever sleep in his own bed again? That Ozai ordered that he needs to leave the palace before sunrise? He will find out these things sooner or later, but Iroh just couldn’t make things even harder for him. </p><p>Zuko didnt answer to Iroh. He just looked up at the ceiling, and took a deep breath. He heard his uncle moving around in the room, then returned with a bottle of ointment.<br/>
- I am sorry, this will might sting a bit. But it will help, I promise – Iroh said, as he gently started to apply the creme to Zuko’s burnt skin. The boy groaned at first, but he didnt move. The ointment must had some kind of anesthetic effect in it, because in a few minutes his skin started to sting, then became almost fully numb. As the pain left this body, Zuko felt like he can breathe again. But he was still concerned about his left eye. At least now he could see some blurry light spots with it, but thats all.<br/>
- Uncle… my eye – Zuko mumbled. – Will I stay blind to my left eye? – he tried not to sound very worried but to be honest this thought frightened him.<br/>
Iroh sighed a bit before he looked at him. – I examined it as well, as I could. It responded to the light, so I think it will recover. Unfortunately I can’t promise that you will fully see with it. But it will be much better – Iroh said, pressing his lips together. When he saw how upset his nephew got, he brought out an other bottle. – Here, drink this – Iroh gave the bottle to Zuko, with a green liquid in it. – It will help – he added, as his nephew looked at him doubtingly.<br/>
Zuko drank the whole thing in one sip, and at first he didnt feel anything. But after a few minutes his eyelids got slumberous, and he yawned. Iroh was still watching him. Zuko slowly closed his eyes, and with the help of the liquid he fell asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Zuko's whole world collapsed. He feels like there is nothing, that matters anymore, unless...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko woke up in the middle of the night, only the moon shined into the room. He looked to the side, but the chair his uncle was sitting in when he fell asleep was empty. Zuko sat up with his heart pounding loudly. Where did he go?</p>
<p>As his right eye got used to the semidarkness of the room, he quietly slipped out of the bed, ignoring the throbbing pain which returned to his wounded flesh. He was just about to go and look for Iroh, when the door opened with a creak, and his uncle’s figure appeared in the entrance. He carried a candle with him, which projected dark shadows to his face. He looked years older, as he glanced at Zuko with aggravation in his eyes.</p>
<p><br/>„What’s going on?” Zuko asked on a shaky tone. He could see on Iroh’s face, that nothing good.</p>
<p><br/>„We need to leave. I managed to get a ship, and a few men who will work there, but we need to go now.” Iroh’s voice was commanding and bitter, unusual of him.</p>
<p><br/>Zuko looked at his uncle with wide opened eyes, and suddenly he understood. His punishment. He is banished and his father doesnt endure him in the palace, or even in the Fire Nation anymore.<br/>He needed to sit down, because he felt his legs starting to shake. He burried his face into his hands, not even hearing that Iroh is talking to him. His whole world collapsed. He was weak, and now he is ripped off everything he has ever known. His honor, his home, his future. He lost it all.</p>
<p><br/>He only looked up when he felt his uncle’s hand on his shoulder. He winced, but then he saw that Iroh only wants to put some bandage to his wound. He let the man to apply the ointment to his skin again, and to bind it. When Iroh was ready, he looked to Zuko’s eyes.</p>
<p><br/>„I know its hard, but we must leave. I went to your room and picked up a few things. They are in the ship already.”</p>
<p><br/>The boy slowly nodded, and stood up, unable to answer anything. His legs were still shaking as he followed Iroh through the door.</p>
<p>The halls were empty and silent and they quickly reached an almost never used side-door, which led them to the gardens. When Zuko caught a glimpse of the pond and the sleeping turtledocks by its side, he felt a tug at his heart-strings. But he didnt have much time to recall his memories, because Iroh gently took his arm, and led him towards the gate.</p>
<p>The guards at the entrance stepped aside when they saw the two of them approaching, but Zuko noticed the judging grimace on their faces. They didnt respect him anymore, the same guards who were heavily bowing before him just yesterday.</p>
<p><br/>Iroh didnt pay any attention to them, the only thing important for him was to get Zuko somewhere safe. Previously he paid off a wagon-driver, who was waiting for them near the palace. Zuko, who was still lost in his thoughts, only realized that they are leaving, when the driver poked the dragon moose’s side with his whip, and the cart took off. Zuko sat at the back of the cart, a few teardrops flowing down on his face as he was watching his home slowly moving away from him. He ashamedly wiped them off with the back of his hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soon they arrived to the sea shore, and Iroh helped him out of the cart. Zuko looked up and saw their ship. It was an older modell, designed to transfer smaller troops to the frontlines. Zuko followed Iroh aboard, where a few men were already waiting for them. They bowed a bit, and Iroh quickly gave some instructions to them. He wanted to leave the Fire Nation as soon as possible. The sun was only rising, when they already left the shore, heading to unknown waters.</p>
<p>Despite his sleep before, Zuko felt himself awfully exhausted and weak, his head starting to aching and spinning again. He once again let Iroh to guide him into a cabin, wondering if he will remain this helpless for the rest of his life.</p>
<p>In the cabin he laid down to the bed, and turned his face towards the wall. He heard that Iroh is talking to him on a soothing tone, but he didnt pay attenton. Nothing mattered anymore. He didnt care where are they going, didnt care what will happen to him. His destiny, his life was taken away from him, and nothing can give it back. After awhile his uncle gave up, and Zuko heard, that he walks to the door, but there he turned back.</p>
<p><br/>„Rest, Prince Zuko” Iroh said with a small sigh. „You’ll need your strength.”</p>
<p><br/>When the door closed behind him, Zuko slowly touched the bandage on his face. He was scared to take a look at it in the mirror. He was sure it will be permanent, and he is scarred for the rest of his life. A reminder to all of his mistakes.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The days have passed slowly, and Zuko didnt care whether its day or night. He laid in his bed all day, only his uncle’s visits in every few hours marked the passing of the time. He took care of him like he is a helpless child. Maybe he was just that.</p>
<p><br/>He couldnt sleep without the green liquid, which effect meant the only calm hours to him. Without that when he closed his eyes he kept seeing the fire, felt his skin moulding, and heard the fizzle of the flames as they burnt him. And the worst of all was the echoing voice of his father as he banshed him. These nights Zuko woke up sobbing, his tears drenching the pillow.</p>
<p><br/>He couldnt eat. He already lost a few kilos, and no matter how much Iroh tried to feed him, he couldnt even swallow a bite. When he tried, he vomited it back instantly. His stomach shrinked so much he didnt even feel the hunger.</p>
<p><br/>He couldnt think about his future. It was all gone, burnt to ashes. He was disgraced, disowned and exiled. What kind of life waited for him after this?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zuko stepped to the mirror, with his head bowed down. He held his knife in his hand with slightly trembling fingers. It was the knife he got from Iroh years ago. „Never give up without a fight” the words written on it felt like they are mocking him.</p>
<p>He slowly reached for his topknot. He grabbed the ribbon holding it, and pulled it out. His hair dark fell onto his shoulder. He slowly raised his head up, looking into the mirror for the first time since the Agni kai. The left side of his face was still covered in bandage, hiding the scar and his harmed eye. Though he couldnt see the wound, a shiver ran through his spine as he saw his reflection.</p>
<p>He lifted up his hand holding the knife, and took a deep breath. He needed to do this. He grabbed a lock of hair into his other hand, and cut it with one move. The black strands fell into the ground. It was like getting rid of his old life. He lifted the knife up again, and cut an other one. Soon the floor was covered with his hair, as he cut down the locks down one by one.</p>
<p>He reached for the ribbon again, and knoted the rest of his hair into a thin ponytail. He looked up, examining his face in the mirror. His head was almost completly bald, an ancient way of showing the failure amongst the men in the Fire Nation. A person who lost his honor needed to cut its hair, but the ponytail remained untouched, that was sacred.</p>
<p>Not like he could return to the Fire Nation ever again… Zuko thought, as he turned away from the mirror.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Zuko refused to leave his cabin again. They were travelling for more than a week now, and in the last days Iroh suggested over and over again to take a walk with him on the deck, but Zuko didnt want to. He didnt want to do anything anymore.</p>
<p>Though Iroh reassured him that the men he paid to work on the ship know nothing about the prince’s scar’s origin, he would hate to see the shock and disgust on their faces.</p>
<p>The only good news was that his sight partly returned. He still saw through a mist, but it became much better. His uncle sat down to the side of his bed, and despite Zuko’s silence he started to talk. The boy wasnt really listneing, not like his uncle could say anything to make things better.</p>
<p><br/>„I know Ozai promised you to welcome you back, if you capture the Avatar, but I dont think that’s the path…” Iroh’s voice suddenly reached him.</p>
<p>The Avatar! The words of his father, which his brain tried to burry, slowly revived in him. He can have his life back, he only has one task! Zuko suddenly sat up in the bed, turning to Iroh with a determined look on his face.</p>
<p><br/>„I am going to catch him. I am going to catch the Avatar, and take him home!” the flame, Iroh thought was lost from his nephew’s eyes forever, returned. But it has changed. It wasnt warm, and kind, and innocent like it used to be. This flame was fuelled by desperation, pain and anger.</p>
<p><br/>Zuko didnt even wait for Iroh’s answer, he got out of the bed, and headed straight to the captain’s cabin. That spa in the Eart Kingdom, where Iroh wanted to go, had to wait. He had a goal again, a task he needed to execute.</p>
<p>He swang the door open with a loud crash.</p>
<p><br/>„Captain! Turn around immediately!” his voice was suddenly commanding and impatient. „We are going to the Western Airtemple!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you guys for your support, if u like this story please leave a kudos or a comment :)) &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Three years has passed, and Iroh is still by Zuko's side. One day he decides to write a letter...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>3 years later</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Dear Ursa,</p><p> </p><p>I hope my letter find you in health and peace. Zuko and I are now in open waters, heading to the South Pole. He is restless. He keeps chasing his honor and Ozai’s acceptance, and sometimes I’m afraid he will slowly loose himself in the process. But don’t worry, I am here with him, trying to guide him through the unknown tunnels of life.</p><p>Do you remember that spring evening, when he was six, and I just returned from the battlefield? I brought a gift to him and Azula - a paper dragon-, and he was playing with it all evening. He was such a joyous kid, with some cheekiness, but so much kindness in his heart. I believe he hasnt lost that kindness, but his father did try to burn it out of his heart. He is dealing with a lot of pain and sorrow, which I am afraid are as permanent as the scar on his face. But I am trying Ursa, I really am to replace those horrible memories with happier ones.</p><p>He is such a grown man now, oh Ursa, you should see it!</p><p>I promised you six years ago, that I will protect him, no matter what. After I lost my son, I was devastated. I would have welcomed death with open arms, if that meant I could be with Lu Ten again. But then I saw Ozai treats his only son – his son, who should be the most important thing in the world for him –, with such ignorance and even cruelty.</p><p>This realization gave me a second chance in life, Ursa. Zuko needed someone – after you must have left – who protects him, and teaches him and treats him like a father should treat his son. So I wasn’t the one saving him, he has saved me.</p><p>The road he must take is long, and its full of uncertainity. But I believe that he will find the light and his own destiny at the end of it, and I promise you Ursa, I will be there with him throughout this journey.</p><p>You are far, in an unknown location, but I am sure you are alive and my letter will find you once. Until that, I will keep it safe, so you can read it someday. And hopefully Zuko can tell you the rest of it in person, when you’ll meet again.</p><p> </p><p>I am sending you my best wishes,</p><p>Sincerely yours,</p><p>
  <em>Iroh</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading it, and I am always very happy to read feedbacks!! :))</p></blockquote></div></div>
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